Monday, July 30, 2012

speak less

Alikah - 3 1/4 years
She makes me so proud. Everyday she says and does something that just amazes me. She is the sweetest girl. So understanding. I love her so much. She tries so hard to be patient with Harper, and the older he gets the more they play together and get along. I just love watching them. She can make him laugh more than anyone else and its always been that way. When we were cheering for him to walk, she always wanted to go hold his hand and help him. 
*The other day I was wet-jetting Harper's bedroom and he started crying. He was downstairs and Alikah and I were upstairs. Theres a gate on the bottom step. I knew Alikah went by him, so I told her Id be done in 1 minute and to just hang on. When I got by them, Alikah said, "Dont worry mama! I caught him! I saved him!" Harper was pulling on the gate so hard that he got the top parts loose and it started to fall. Alikah had caught it and was holding it up, with him on it, so that he wouldnt fall down a step. 
•She tells me when Im "not being nice" or that "I shouldnt do that" when I am frustrated/when I yell.
•We do a weekly sticker chart. She gets stickers for: bringing down her cups in the morning, being patient, using manners, sharing with Harper, eating all her food, and cleaning up messes. She loves it.
•Shes been doing really good the last few days with only having her nunu while shes sleeping.
•She can spell her name & is working on writing all the letters. Shes learning easy addition (1+1 and 1+2.)
•Whenever she gets in trouble or sent to her room she draws me a picture. Its always a smiley face and when she gives it to me she says, "so you wont be mad at me anymore." I always tell her Im never mad at her, but she keeps doing it. 
•She prefers talking to older people. Especially adults. She can have full conversations with anyone. She usually introduces herself, "Im Alikah. I have a cat named Stabler."

Harper - 13 months
I love this little boy like crazy. Harper is so happy that he is getting bigger. He loves discovering new things. He is walking more and more everyday. He is so independent, smart, and shy. I want to say that hes quiet but my head just shouts NO HES NOT! Because when Harper screams - he screams. He is hilarious and we often say (and have other people tell us) that he is going to be trouble because he is so brave. He gets into everything and is climbing all over the place. 
•He has the hardest head ever. If he whips that thing around and happens to get you, it hurts like fuck. He could probably break your nose. His newest nickname is Hard-head Harper.
•He fake laughs super loud whenever we laugh and it is awesome. 
•He loves books. Sometimes hes being too quiet and we look for him, only to find him sitting in a corner flipping through a book. 
•He dumps out bins of toys then picks them up. He will transfer the play food from its basket to the shopping cart. When we were just at my parents he was picking up all of Luke's hot-wheels and putting them away.
•He loves music. We were at Stefanies bridal shower on Saturday and they had a stereo and speakers in the garage. Harper was trying to find out where the sound was coming from and I held him up and pointed out the speakers. After that he didnt want to leave. Everyone was out in the yard but Harper was just hanging out in the middle of the garage, swaying back and forth all by himself. Adorable. 
•Harper is a cancer, like me, and I keep noticing new similarities. Maybe that is why we have had our troubles. We are too much alike :)

whats important to us...
-I want to always have a strong, open and honest relationship with Spencer. We hold this all together.
-I want my kids to be open minded & accepting. Happy, nice kids that are full of love.
-I want our home to always be a safe place. Calm, comfortable, somewhere we can all relax.
-I want to spend most of our days laughing and smiling.
-I never want the kids to wake up to me in a bad mood. If Im not ready for the day to start or I am frustrated when Harper wakes up from a nap, I need to just wait. Calm down & go get him up and out of his crib in a good, happy mood :)
-It bothers me sometimes that I dont cook "nice" meals for us. I am not a fan of our house being messy and/or dirty. But sometimes I really need to step back and realize that these things are not that important. I am the only one that notices how "dirty" it is. My kids dont see a difference between buttered noodles or gourmet steak. And actually they would prefer the plain noodles. They are so young. We am so young. I have so much time to cook, clean and decorate the house. There is no need to rush. It will all fall into place. It really will.

Ive decided not to make any changes until the baby is born. Seems pointless to change something now, just to need to change it again in 2 or 3 months.

We have also been dealing with M's family lately and I am having a really hard time trying to understand it all. I cant even describe how much anger I have towards them. It has quickly gone from anger towards him - to anger towards them all. And I hate it! I hate that I am still dealing with this. Im mad at myself for getting into this situation. I can not stand people that live for drama. It seriously makes me sick. Im looking forward to the day that its all over, and like Ive said before I think I will write a long post reflecting on all of it once it is.

"Everything that has a beginning, has an ending. Make your peace with that and all will be well." Buddha

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