Sunday, March 25, 2018


This school year Harper has made a ton of progress. He couldn’t read or write at all in the beginning and now hes doing great in both. Hes still technically “below” what they want him to be at but that doesn’t mean anything to me. He brings home two different books every day for practice and usually breezes though them. He gets frustrated easily but once he gets whatever word hes hung up on he is very proud.  He was in a 6 week program during lunch to work on controlling his emotions and he loved it. He uses everything he learned and its helped us out at home. He can tell us what “zone” its in and will take a deep breath and say, “I feel ____ because ____” instead of just flyin off the wall whining and screaming. He removes himself from situations to go have alone time and calm down. Overall hes just doing amazing. Hes a fabulous artist as well!!

Harper likes: pokemon cards (even though he has no idea how to play), playing with his friends, money, his kindle, looking “cool”, dancing, music, showering by himself, cuddling, TREATS, root beer, gum, waffles, getting his waffles ready by his self, tape lol...

Two jokes hes told me recently:
Q: Why cant dinosaurs clap?
(Usually people answer their arms are to short)
A: No! Because theyre dead!

Q: What word has a million letters in it?
A: Post Office

I have to be at the bus stop with them because Bodhi is in 4K. The bus stop is just down the street and around the corner.
Bodhi doesn’t have school on Fridays, so usually I will just walk Harper to the corner and then let him run to the bus stop when he sees his friends. The last few weeks hes wanted me to let him walk alone...So I walk him the end of the driveway and then watch from there until he rounds the corner. He feels like such a big kid.
He turns around every 5/10 steps to wave at me. The other day he yelled, “I LOVE YOU MOM!” from the end of the street. It almost made me cry. I started thinking about how soon he probably wont do that. I mean he already wont give me kisses in front of his friends! Soon hell be too cool for all of that sweet little kid stuff and Im not ready L

Hes such a great, loving little dude <3 I am so proud of him.

Wednesday, March 21, 2018

spring flowers

I got a laptop! I can start posting again!
Super quick update about life in general….ready?
I signed into a 2-week partial hospitalization program, ended up going for 3 weeks, and am now continuing with dual-diagnosis IOP, my psychiatrist and new one-on-one therapist as well.
Spencer got a new job! Big pay raise, awesome insurance and benefits.
We just got a new car too. (Thanks Taxes)
THAT’S ALL GOOD STUFF! For the most part, things are going well! 
Spencer is still kind of a fucking idiot. But then again I guess I am too lol
Oh and one of our birds died ☹ It was so sudden and heartbreaking to see. RIP Icy.

I am really looking forward to being about to write here again because it honestly does make me sad how like..over due I am on updates about the kids, etc.
We are working hard to keep moving forward and I am optimistic about the future now. This time last year I was so depressed and could not even see a future for myself at all let alone a good one.

Heres a little list to remind me of posts I want to write:
-Harper update
-Bodhi update
-Weekly updates on Sundays
-About life in our tiny home.
-Updates about myself, kind of a way to hold myself accountable as I continue with treatment.

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

happy new year

Okay I promise I am going to start writing again!! Things have been going well.
Have a lot of "goals" and plans for this year.

I'm planning on getting a camera and laptop soon which will just make me feel sooo much better! I really miss taking pictures. Speaking of better I really need to call and schedule a Dr appointment..

With taxes were going to pay for a few months rent here right away so we don't have to worry about that and we can save up....hoping to find a new place & move in summer. 

Our dryers been broken for awhile now because it's so full of quarters that you can't even push it in to start...I am so tempted to just break it open 😏 This has nothing to do with the new year lol I just really need to do wash...I hate looking at the pile of clothes...Waiting on a day that works for my mama so I can go there and do it. 

I'm going to do an update post about the boys next I think..they are growing and changing so much. Like always. 

Monday, November 6, 2017

Starting Over

Well once again a lot has changed.
Not going to say much right now about it all but Spencer and I did not get divorced.

I got my own studio apartment in July. Spencer and the boys moved in for good in September.

Yep. One bed, an air mattress we blow up every night that's usually Bodhis bed. My desk. Small TV. That's what we got.

Seriously. All the rest of our stuff? Was in storage. It got auctioned. It's all gone. What we have in our tiny apartment is all we own now. My heart still hurts thinking about the BOXES of pictures, the kids memory boxes, my journals, my books...I've called the storage a bunch just hoping whoever bought it returns the pictures atleast, but it doesn't look like they will.

But Spencer's working, I'm working (not much hoping to get a second job.) And honestly we all love our tiny home. Plus it takes like 20 minutes to clean the whole place. We're all happy. We're all alive. Life's good.

Alikah lives with my sister, brother in law and niece and nephew. It was the best option at the time. I don't really like to talk or even think about it. So that's that.

We don't have Wi-Fi or cable or anything but I come to the library almost everyday for wifi.

"Lucky I'm sane after all I've been through. Life's been good to me so far."

Thursday, April 20, 2017

moving on

Im writing this not knowing if it will turn into a regular thing again or just a once and awhile deal.
A lot has changed.

Me and Spencer are getting divorced. We lost our apartment, I crashed our (ready to die anyways) van, so I need a new car. I live with my parents now. Were still trying to figure out the kids schedule.
I just got out of the psych ward, again, but I am doing pretty good so far. My counselors suggested ~writing~ but I think most stuff I need to write about shouldnt be written on here for anyone to read. Ill try and find a middle ground since Ive always been open and honest on here.

My minds in a much better place
I got a JOB today!
Im working out. Im reading again. Ive let a lot of shit go. I just feel much better.
I will be starting IOP in May but right now my goals, short and long term, are figure out everything with the kids, work as much as I can to save up for a car, and eventually my own apartment. The kids are my driving force.

Alikah just turned 8 and her birthday party is this Saturday which she is very excited for.

Just wanted to make this quick update. Be back soon :)


Thursday, July 7, 2016

Harper - 5 years old

1. What is your favorite color? Green
2. What is your favorite toy? Batman
3. What is your favorite fruit? Bananas
4. What is your favorite tv show? Angry Birds
5. What is your favorite thing to eat for lunch? Bacon
6. What is your favorite thing to wear? Shirts
7. What is your favorite game? Angry Birds
8. What is your favorite snack? Granola Bars
9. What is your favorite animal? Seahorse and Zebra (???)
10. What is your favorite song? Hey Captain Sparkles (A Minecraft video I think)
11. What is your favorite book? Batman

12. Who is your best friend? Max
13. What is your favorite cereal? Ninja Turtle cereal
14. What is your favorite thing to do outside? Play with dad
15. What is your favorite drink? Juice
16. What is your favorite holiday? Halloween!

17. What do you like to take to bed with you at night? My ba and snack, and toys
18. What do you want to be when you grow up? A fireman
19. Who is your favorite person? All of you guys
20. What is your favorite place? Chuck E Cheese (I dont think hes ever been there)

"Anything else?"
"Yes, I love dad. And I like going to chicken and french fries."

Thursday, April 28, 2016

Alikah - age seven

1. What is your favorite color? Pink
2. What is your favorite toy? My iPad
3. What is your favorite fruit? Apples
4. What is your favorite tv show? Spongebob
5. What is your favorite thing to eat for lunch? Noodles
6. What is your favorite thing to wear? Dresses
7. What is your favorite game? Minecraft
8. What is your favorite snack? Crackers
9. What is your favorite animal? Kitties
10. What is your favorite song? Same Old Love - Selena Gomez
11. What is your favorite book? Junie B Jones
12. Who is your best friend? Isabel and Emma
13. What is your favorite cereal? Coco Puffs
14. What is your favorite thing to do outside? Hide N Seek
15. What is your favorite drink? Water
16. What is your favorite holiday? Christmas!
17. What do you like to take to bed with you at night? My kiki I gues
(I thought this answer was hilarious because this is Alikahs bed, always)

18. What do you want to be when you grow up? A doctor
19. Who is your favorite person? You and Dad 
20. What is your favorite place? The Kalahari. And Campbellsport. 

pottery painting with her friends

this friend loved Ellie haha

Ill post the pictures from the Dells eventually :)