Friday, July 1, 2011

Depression


I am pretty sure Alikah knows when I am feeling like I want to give up.
It seems like even though I go hide, in a corner in the kitchen or a bathroom, that she will show up and say or do something to make me smile.
She is not a "cuddler" but it seems like she KNOWS when I need a cuddle.
I have heard a lot about your babies being able to tell when you are upset or something is wrong.
I really do believe that she does.
Today I cried then wanted to take a shower, but she kept telling me I didnt need too.
And finally she said she would take one with me.
If I had taken one alone I would have cried the whole time, instead I laughed.

She is the most amazing person I know.
It amazes me that she is mine.
I am proud, I am happy, I could cry every time I look at her.
But with the same amount of amazement I feel scared...
to wonder what if shes like me?
what is she feels like this someday?
what if SHE wants to give up someday?
The thought of it is enough to rip my heart out of my chest.
One of the hardest things right now is to think,
God, what my kids feel like this someday?
And what if its my fault?

1 comment:

  1. They wont. And if they do, if they are anything like you, they will be completely amazing and beautiful people. And even though times can get so hard, people will admire them constantly for the amount of strength they have, and they will never stop being proud. Your life is beautiful BECAUSE of who you are. You don't need to worry about them. Happy futures ahead. Love you. Britt.

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