That meaninglessness, stripped of all fantasies and dreams, becomes the hidden meaning itself.

Things have been somewhat depressing.
Thats the easiest way to say it without going into a novel-long explanation.
I tried writing last night.
Plus, I seriously dont even know where to start or how to explain how Ive been feeling.
But I will say that I have been trying for weeks to shake myself back to normal but I am giving up. (I even went to church last night)
Im gonna talk to my doctor about going back on my meds.
I cried about it to Spencer today because I really wanted to make it through the pregnancy without any, but I cant go 3 more months feeling like this.
I cant even go 2 weeks until my next appointment which is why I need to call her tomorrow.
I feel like a failure basically and even I feel stupid saying that because I know its not true but I do. Im glad I made it this far.

Spencer has been seriously amazing (like usual) and I love him more and more each day.

We went to the library today to get library cards and some books.
Alikah was so excited. "LOOK AT ALL THE BOOKS! LOOK AT ALL THE STUFF!!"
She found Quiet LOUD and Goodnight Moon all by herself and pointed them out to me.
It was so cute. I think we got about 10 books.
I loved it too and Im glad that well have some more variety now.
Im looking forward to spending more time there. Once its a little warmer I think we will be walking there often :)

Spencer and I are so excited for Alikah's birthday.
She would be too if she knew where we were going haha.
It should be really nice.
I need a vacation.

goodnight.