“You get angry. Death does that.”

I chopped off my hair and dyed it purple. I just bought lightener so I can re-do it and hopefully make it last longer, I loved it!

Alikah absolutely loves school. She also already has a new boyfriend she says, his names Nolan.

Her best friend Harley is in her class and they are so cute together.

The other day our neighbor/her friend ran over and told me she never got on the bus and I freaked out and sped to her school. They found her on the wrong bus. They told me to call and report the bus company because she has a bus pass the driver is supposed to check. It was scary.

Weve been looking to move for a few months now. We found a house we love a few hours up north from where we live now.

About the title of this post. Alikah's biological father, Marshall, was shot and murdered on June 18th during a drug deal. Spencers been her dad since she was a few months old and Marshall was in prison for most of her life. He never really saw her but his parents did and still do have her one weekend every month. Its weird, I really really hated him at times but I still took his death really hard. I take all deaths hard but for someone that was such a big part of my life, it still doesnt feel real. For the last few months he was alive he didnt really bother me at all and we actually could talk on the phone and not just scream. I felt (and still do) insanely guilty when he died. I guess Ill never know if I could have changed anything and I know in my heart I was doing the right thing at the time by keeping Alikah away from him and not letting her visit him in prison, but I still struggle with it.
I saw him at the funeral home before he was cremated. I hugged him and told him I was sorry. With his parents. He wasnt physically there at his actual funeral. Me and Alikah stood up front for the funeral but she doesnt and still doesnt really understand. She knows hes dead and thats about all.

Um. I spent some time at a hospital about a month after and my blood pressure was insanely high. It took them a few days to stabilize me and get me on medication Ill most likely be on for the rest of my life. My BP was always alittle off but they told me it was like BAD bad.
My heart has given me problems for years, but after multiple ekgs and other tests they still cant pin-point whats wrong. My psychiatrist and doctors have told me it could be caused or partially caused by my eating disorders.

SO, a lot has happened. I still dont have a computer so I wont be able to update much but Im at my parents right now and figured I should.

Christmas 2013

Presents for all of us:
A family hotel weekend!! Isnt this the most adorable thing ever? My sister got this for us because she knew we started the tradition.

Double jogging stroller
Really comfy clothes
A huge tent.

Spencers gifts from me:

I framed his Pabst posters...

 And okay he ALWAYS puts his freaking clothes on this chair or the kitchen table. So I got him an ottoman? that opens so he can throw his shit in there so I dont have to see it haha. 

The kids favorites:

A parachute...
that came with balls for Bodhi, who also got an Elephant toy that pops up more balls
An adorable "desk" with a chair and toys for Boden
Barbies..
Mickey Mouse jammies that Harper had to put on right away
A Doc McStuffins game for Alikahs leap pad
A Thomas track that took me freaking forever to set up but it is pretty awesome

SOOOO we should be back in town for more Christmas on the 29th.
Amanda is getting married to her cutie boyfriend on New Years.
Then our hotel stay starts January 5th :)
The only downside well have is more freaking doctor visits but ya no what, shit happens. Im in a great mood and plan to stay that way :)

Happy Holidays everyone!


*UPDATE: Spencer read this and told me I made 2 spelling errors. I guess I have an editor now ;)

and like the sea, I’m constantly changing from calm to hell

Playing with packaging

 

Harper.

Harper looks like he got busted stealing Bodhi's toast

Nothing has really changed from a day-to-day basis...I just need to get an update on the kids in here soon. (They are all doing great, in case you just cant wait to hear ;) 

***OH, I guess one thing I should add NOW is that Bodhi is walking :) 

Ive been really sick. I was in the hospital. They arent sure whats wrong. Ive had problems with my heart and stomach, but what Ive been dealing with hasnt felt like what Im used to. They cant figure out what organ is "causing me problems" without doing more tests so if it doesnt go away or gets worse I have to go back for body scans. Im supposed to follow up with my regular doctor for checkups and blood tests too. 

Thankfully this last week I have felt a lot better. Ive been able to get up and get everything I wanted to get done at the house done...

Next I want to work on getting rid of a lot of our "junk." I cleaned Alikahs room the other day and threw away a whole garbage bag of...junk. I want to get through all the rooms and closets before Christmas. Im just sick of it. Im frustrated on a daily basis. Makes me grouchy >:|

We also lost another person in our lives. Spencer and my sister were friends with Shawn's brother for years. I went to school with him and had so much fun at his graduation party. 

He was a fighter from the beginning and received a miracle heart transplant, but he got sick again.

Shawn had such a huge impact on so many peoples lives and it is a huge loss. Over 1,000 people attended his funeral. 

He never gave up, and I wear this bracelet everyday to remind myself not too either. 

RIP Shawn. 

school, vegas and hotel weekends

Hi guys. I have some time so I figured Id do a little update on life lately.

Alikah still loves school. I feel like its too easy for her, but so far Id say the two most important things shes learning is how to write and spell and healthy habits. Every time she eats now she goes, "Is this healthy for me?" Its cute.

She also has a "boyfriend" named Vincent. She says she has 2 boyfriends though, little player.

Harper is a total 2 year old. Whining and tantrums like crazy. Time-outs work really really well for him though. He goes in the bathroom for them and I tell him to come out when hes done (freaking out) and hell so scream for like 5 seconds then say, "Mama! Im done!" and come out.

He just started napping in his big boy bed!! He used to only sleep in it at night because hed constantly get up for naps but the last few days hes stayed and napped in it. Which means were one step closer to moving Bodhi from the pack n play to the real crib!

This week were going to my parents on Thursday because Im going shopping with my mom and sisters to get stuff for Vegas! Were going to Vegas at the end of the month for my sister Heather's 21st birthday (Her birthday is on Halloween) Were dressing up as the Spice Girls :) 

Spencer will have the kids and hes going to take them trick or treating by his parents house then probably stay there while Im gone. 

Hmmm...Oh yeah I see my new doctors 3 or more times a month.  I really really like them both. 

Oh yeah! Something new we are starting....we got a new front door put on last month and he widened the doorway too so he cut off part of our wall and was pounding, drilling, making a HUGE mess, etc. and the kids couldnt even nap and it was so loud and annoying so we went and stayed at a hotel. We ended up staying for 3 nights and decided to make it a monthly thing!

We are going to have "hotel weekends!"

Just find cheapish hotels that are pretty close to us and stay for the weekend. (The only requirement is a pool of course) Its a great way for all of us to spend time together, relax and have fun. The kids love it and its like a reward for Spencer and I. We never spend money when we dont have to but now this will be our little treat. 

Hotel weekend this month is this weekend :)