this world is not our final home

Hey guys!  ***My next post will be a lot more fun than this one***
I need to do a post for Alikah's birthday soon, so I was going to do an update about everyone before that, but laying in bed last night and then today thinking about it I kept thinking about how I still need to do the hospital post.

But Im not ready.

Theres still so much about it that I get lost thinking about. 

I have nightmares a lot. 

I get these really weird feelings sometimes that I am still dead. 

Ever since that all happened it seems like a lot of things have happened that have almost been too good? I dont mean to say that life is going so amazingly great that the only explanation is that I really did die and none of this is real. Because trust me, a lot has still gone wrong. 

I dont want to put it all on God and praying, ONLY because the Lindsay before all of this happened would read that and be like, "What a bunch of bullshit."

But I do pray every night now, and it seems like God, or someone, is listening. 

Some things you can pray every night for though, and its never going to make a difference. 

Because its not up to God. 

Theres still so much in my head that I just feel like I either cant write it down and explain it correctly....or I just want to keep it to myself..

See this post is all over the place I dont even know how to go about it. 

For awhile I was kind of mad. I was mad that we moved back to here, It seemed like it had been a mistake. I really missed Campbellsport, Spencer never even wanted to move, Alikah really missed it, we paid less to live in our nice house there then we do in our small 2 bedroom apartment here. People that said they wanted to help, werent. I wasnt seeing people as much as I thought I would. I went back to my favorite doctor who is equal distance away from here than she is from Campbellsport. 

It just seemed like a stupid move and I wanted to go home. 

But  I like it here. Its small, its cozy, easy to clean.

Its close to stores and everything else.

I do see my family more.

Both my sisters are engaged. I got to take engagement photos for one of them. 

Alikahs likes her 2nd new school. Shes making friends. 

The boys have never really cared haha.

And I got a job here. I work 2 hours most days, when Spencer gets home. I really like it. 

Im trying to get disability or else I dont know what Im going to do. We cannot afford all the medical bills I get and we definitely cannot afford my insulin. 

Im still getting used to being sick. My new normal. 

Im still not used to be tired all the time no matter what. 

Im not used to doing like one thing and then wanting to be in bed the entire next day. 

I seem to forget how sick I am/That Im even sick until Im at a doctors appointment. 

And then Im like, oh, right, thats me they are talking about. Theyre talking about me.. 

I was going to save these for the "hospital post" but Im really not sure if that will ever be written...

*Breathes*

But still, for the most part, I am positive. I try really hard to be...just because I AM so happy that I am alive. I thank God everyday for letting me live and giving me a second chance that I dont believe I deserve. 

let her cry

good morning

<3

so far

What I like:
Small & cozy so were all close.

Not as much to clean.

Close to store.

Carpet. 

We can paint. 

I like our basement & storage.

What I dont like:

That theres people under us and the kids dont walk the run and stomp and they dont talk they yell.
Spencer talked to the lady underneath us and she said she doesnt care, she has grandkids and her dog is probably more annoying but still haha.

-One bathroom.

-Theres no lights except for the kitchen and bathroom. Had to go to St. Vincent to buy some cheap lamps. 

-Every single room has a different control for heat? And we never get it right.

-I hate apartment outlets. 

(I also hate that balloon lamp in the kids room but it was Spencers and he likes it)

Both:

Small, weird, washer and dryer. The washer seems like it washed too fast. I feel like it cant really be cleaning the stuff that fast lol. BUT whats nice about it is the loads are so small once they are dry I just carry them to the right bedroom and put the 5 pieces of clothes away. I dont have to fold or any of that crap that I hate. Also the dryer heats the ENTIRE PLACE. Its like a damn sauna in the kitchen when its on. 

Our shower. The shower works good but the drain sucks weve tried 3 things to fix it, next step is to call management. Also he faucet leaks but whatever. 

Mailboxes that arent lock...but then I realized I have never had a locked mailbox in my life until our last house so this is actually not weird haha

We have a dishwasher. But I still do the dishes by hand and use the dishwasher as a drying rack. I dont trust it to clean my dishes how I want them cleaned yet. 

SO anyway...

Still need to finish our room and the dining room.
Ill probably paint & do our room tomorrow.

I also started my black&white picture wall but I need to order NEW pictures. Most of them were the kids as babies. 

Ill do a picture post soon.

Still not sure when a real post will come. 

-Lindsay

pp two

I need to think of something else to call these besides "PP" haha

I added new pictures to "about us" but I need to update it and my main picture..

         

 

Spencer always does this shit

I got a little teary taking this because I watched them walk that sidewalk so many times..."to the mailbox and back.."

Wigs

add me :)